Hate is an ugly word. Unfortunately, it seems to have become part of our daily vocabulary.
At its worst, hate fuels wars, road rage, family feuds and senseless violence. It also sneaks into everyday conversations about politics, religion and, yes, even sports. Some blame the news media. Others point to social media, where outrage often spreads faster than facts. Both deserve some criticism. But, ultimately, each of us decides whether to pour gasoline on the fire or help distinguish it.
I try not to hate. That starts with avoiding the word itself. Words carry weight. They can encourage or discourage, heal or wound. Hate demands an enormous amount of emotional energy — energy that could be spent solving problems, building relationships or simply enjoying life.
When our daughters were young, they regularly announced they “hated” certain foods, songs or television shows. Oddly enough, those were usually things I liked. I would ask if they realized how powerful that word was and suggest they try something less dramatic, like “I do not care for it.” They probably hated that lecture.
These days, I still encounter comments that irritate me, people who test my patience and opinions that make me wonder whether we are living on the same planet. My first reaction is not always my best one. But I am learning to replace outrage with curiosity. Instead of asking how anyone can believe that, I try to inquire how he or she arrived there. Sometimes those conversations are productive. More often, they are not. Either way, I usually learn something. If nothing else, I am reminded how much patience I still need.
I still get angry. We all do. As comedian Bill Maher has quipped, “Humans are not good people.” We have to work at it.
One article I read recently offered simple advice for those moments when hate starts creeping in: Take a deep breath. Remember the other person is human. And let the issue go instead of replaying it over and over in your mind. None of those steps is revolutionary, but they are remarkably effective. I would add one more: Find the humor.
Life is a lot more entertaining when we can laugh at our differences instead of treating every disagreement like the final round of a heavyweight title fight. Imagine how dull the world would be if everyone agreed on everything. Besides, if we spend all our time hating people who disagree with us, we will miss the chance to discover that some of them are actually make pretty good company.
Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading
Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital newsletter
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707