I have written several columns through the years about my being late to the game in learning how to tie my shoes. To avoid the embarrassment, I wore cowboy boots to kindergarten. I know how to tie my shoes now, but I prefer to continue to avoid the process. I no longer wear cowboy boots, but I do slip on plenty of loafers. 

Of course, I wear laced shoes as well. When tying a pair the other day, I noticed how the shoes were wearing out, but the shoelaces were in great shape. In fact, I could not recall the last time I broke a shoelace. Is it because laces are made of better quality materials today? Is it because I don’t pull on them as hard when tightening them up? Or is it simply because I don’t wear laced shoes every day?

I am not sure, but I do know that I snapped a lot of shoelaces as a child. I can still feel my body reeling backwards with the broken lace gripped tightly in my hand. Then I would try to tie the pieces of lace together, which never seemed to work. We had plenty of extra shoelaces around our house growing up, but the breaks often happened when I was in a hurry or not at home. I don’t know if we even have any replacement shoelaces at home now. If we do, I don’t know where they are. 

Do you ever wonder who invented shoelaces? Well, it was Otzi the Iceman, of course. Otzi died in 3300 BC, and his frozen mummy was found wearing bearskin shoes with lime bark shoelaces.

Generations later, some shoemakers stopped making laces and focused instead on buttons or buckles, but shoelaces lived on. The first patent was filed in 1790, and soldiers during the American Civil War even wore ankle-high boots with leather laces.

In the 20th-century, shoemakers started using synthetic materials. Puma created the first Velcro sneakers in 1968, and elderly men everywhere rejoiced.

How about a “shoestring budget”? The origin of this phrase seems to have multiple roots. Many believe it is connected to a shoestring gambler or a gambling game. Others say the term denotes a limited budget because bootlaces or straps are close to the ground. Shoestrings are also quite inexpensive to buy, so the concept of having only enough money to purchase strings may also be reflected in the term.

If Otzi the Iceman knew it would become this complicated, he would have worn cowboy boots, too.

Have fantastic Friday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital editions
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707

This column is dedicated to all of you who have a burning desire to learn the meanings behind some of today’s popular phrases. Most of these deal with changing technology and have roots to features of original devices, like turning the channel. Yes, we used to turn a knob that would take us to different channels on our TVs. In the early days of television, there were only a handful of channels to choose from — and no remote controls. Even so, those plastic knobs wore out from channel-turning, and many families — including ours — resorted to using pliers.  

Dialing a phone number. In today’s touch-screen world, the idea of turning a rotary dial seems foreign. When phone numbers were assigned by the telephone companies, this became a necessity. Some of you, like me, can still recall the sound of the rotary dial returning to its original position.

Hanging up the phone. We sometimes forget that phones were once in two pieces and connected by a very curly and surly cord. When a phone call was completed, the user would physically “hang up” the receiver on the wall unit.

Rewinding a movie. Most anyone who rented a VHS tape knows the phrase “be kind, rewind,” and anyone who popped in a movie only to find it at the end knows the frustration of dealing with someone who didn’t. This may seem silly in today’s streaming world, but we still find ourselves asking to “rewind” a scene.

Cranking up an engine. In the days before my time, electric starters didn’t exist on cars, so someone had to turn a crank to get the crankshaft to turn so combustion could begin. And, today, we get annoyed when we have to physically open a garage door?

Rolling down the window. Power windows used to be a feature only found in the fancy cars. Today, it can be a challenge to find any vehicle with manual cranks. Meanwhile, we still ask passengers to “roll down the window,” and often for good reason. 

Turning it up or down “a notch.” Not too many years ago, electronic devices had volume knobs with notches that would actually “click” when turning up or down. In a nod to those Freedom Rock hippies many of us can’t forget, “Well, turn it up, man.”

Hitting the hay. In the late 1800s, beds were made of hay, and a person had to physically “hit the hay” to get the bugs out before going to sleep. And you thought your mattress was lumpy?

What ones did I miss?  Send me a note and “tune in” for the replies in Friday’s mailbag. 

Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305

Most of you who are reading this have an Iowa driver’s license and likely took some form of driver’s education class. For many of you, it was a class you took as part of your curriculum in your freshman year of high school. 

My driver’s ed teacher was Fritz Nielsen. Fritz passed away a few years ago at age 96, but not without leaving a legacy of lessons for many people like me. I liked him a lot, and, as such, I would kid around with him frequently. Sometimes he would laugh. More often, he would not, at least not openly. 

I took driver’s ed in the summer, and I had two good friends as driving partners. Each time when we would go for our drives, and it was my turn in the driver’s seat, I would start by asking Fritz, “So, how fast will this thing go?” Then I would rev up the engine while it was still in park. Fritz never replied but would simply look forward and slowly shake his head, holding back a smile. 

I remember when Fritz asked me to back the car up between two poles that were about 50 feet apart. I did what he told me to do — and I placed the car about an inch from one of the poles. Fritz asked me, “How about putting the car in the middle, Goodman?” My polite reply was, “You are going to need to be more specific with your instructions, Mr. Nielsen.” More head-shaking from Fritz. 

Another time, we were driving in the pouring rain and stopped to change drivers. I quickly made my way to the driver’s seat while the other guys fumbled around and hesitated to get in. I quickly locked the doors and watched them get soaked while repeatedly trying to open the handles. Fritz made eye contact with me this time and again slowly shook his head in frustration — but I think he was smiling inside. 

Even with all the joking around, I did learn a lot in driver’s ed, including a lesson from a segment on “jackrabbit starts.” I recall learning that those who take off quickly end up being at the same stoplight down the road as the person who drove at a rational pace, but the “jackrabbit” only used more gas.

I am not the most patient driver, so this lesson slaps me in the face each time I am in a hurry and end up at a stoplight next to all the cars I hastily passed by — and it punches me in the face when a police officer reminds me of it. 

I have a feeling that, when this inevitably happens to me again, Fritz will certainly be smiling from above — and shaking his head in frustration. 

Have fantastic Friday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital editions
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707

The front porch is about as Americana as anything. It defines a more peaceful time when family gathered and friends joined in for conversation in an early evening or a Sunday afternoon. “The Waltons” may come to mind. (Follow the link, and you will smile… I promise.)

Lemonade was sipped, and apple pie was served. A game of checkers might have even been played. Not many of the world’s problems were solved on these porches, if they were even talked about at all. 

Maybe those are days gone by. Maybe they never existed. Maybe they are visions from commercials I remember as a youth. Regardless, I miss the front porch. And, truth be told, I never lived in a home that had one. By the 1970s and 1980s, homeowners opted for more privacy and started building decks in their back yards. My wife and I had what kind of resembled a porch at our house in Nebraska, but it was more decorative than useful. I don’t think we ever sat there. So how do you miss something you never had?

Tracy Lawrence had a hit country song in 1995 called “If The World Had A Front Porch.” You don’t have to like country music or have grown up on a gravel road to appreciate this song and the memories it invokes. Part of the chorus includes: “If the world had a front porch, like we did back then. We’d still have our problems, but we’d all be friends.” 

He may be right. Those on the front porches in TV commercials looked happy. I am fairly certain that every Country Time Lemonade commercial featured a home with a beautiful front porch as part of their nostalgic efforts to remember the “old fashioned” days. 

When I was in college, my friend Mark and I repaired and painted a front porch on an old country home. When we first looked at it, we asked each other why anyone would put any money into that old dump. The we replaced a bunch of boards. Added some new railings. And painted it all. By the end, that tattered terrace became a beautiful front porch that the family was able to use again. Our repairs made the homeowner smile, and we did, too. 

Do you have a front porch on your home? Or did you have one growing up? What memories do you have from those times? Send me a note and let me know. 

Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305

Our Best of Guthrie County poll is now up to 288 votes, which is a great start. We had a total of 471 votes last year, and we expect to exceed that with a strong push in the final weeks. We certainly appreciate your support of the people, businesses, places and events of Guthrie County by voting in our poll.

Are you curious who is in the lead? I pulled the results so far, and here are just a few examples:

• Dowd Drug is in the lead for Best Guthrie County Pharmacy.
• Newcomer The Captain’s Pick is the choice for Coldest Beer in Guthrie County.
• Café on the Hill has a commanding lead for Best Spot for Breakfast in Guthrie County.
• Little is the choice so far for Best Guthrie County Teacher.
• And, in a highly contest race, The Color Nook currently has the lead for Best Guthrie County Hair Salon.

If you haven’t voted yet, there is still time. There are 82 categories to vote in ranging from best place to take your dog, to best plumber, to best dinner spot. You can even vote for best elected official. Your vote can make a difference. Cast it now at https://gctimesnews.com/best-of.

Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305

I attended a community event recently and noticed a friend with a shirt that appeared off-balanced. It was a pressed, button-down shirt that he was wearing untucked in one of those trendy ways today, but one side of the shirt was longer than the other. I dismissed this as just another modern fashion trend I am unaware of. Then I looked closer and noticed the collar of his shirt was also off. Assuming this was now a buttoning error, I felt comfortable pointing this out to my friend. He thanked me, excused himself for a moment, and came back buttoned up to perfection — and then ribbed me for being the “clothing police.” 

It happens. Most all of us have erred in getting dressed in some way. Many of us have been guilty of “leaving the barn door open.” For you city folks, that’s a reference to accidentally leaving the zipper on your pants down. This is a more awkward situation to address with others, as you leave the unzipped person wondering why you were looking down there in the first place. 

My junior high wrestling coach, Fritz Nielsen, would frequently point out to me how proud he was of having matching socks on. I didn’t understand the accomplishment, until Fritz explained that he dressed himself each morning in the dark. With a degree of color blindness, I can relate. 

When I was coaching wrestling, my fellow coaches and I would do our best to help our athletes dress properly for competition. Inevitably, though, a newcomer to the sport would step on the mat with his singlet on backwards and then take a ribbing by his teammates. This was a mistake a wrestler would make only once. 

Truth be told, I have made my share of dressing mistakes, and I am not referring to bleu cheese. I am convinced this is inherited, as my father, Wayne, would often miss a loop with his belt. When we noticed others doing this, my siblings and I would affectionately refer to this as “pulling a Wayne.” For whatever reason, I seem to be “pulling a Wayne” more often now when I get dressed. Maybe I am in a hurry. Maybe my fingers don’t work like they used to. Or maybe I just don’t care. Probably all three. 

There are solutions to all this. Don’t wear shirts with buttons. Avoid wearing belts. And make sure all your socks are black.

Needless to say, and despite my friend’s comment, I am not really a member of the “clothing police.” Meanwhile, you should check your belt loops. You may have pulled a Wayne. 

Have a fantastic Friday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital editions
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707