I admit it. I watched too much television growing up. I know this because my brain is now a fascinating museum of completely useless information. I cannot remember where I put my car keys. I occasionally walk into a room and immediately forget why I am there. I have no idea what I ate for lunch yesterday. But play three notes from a 1970s television commercial, and I become Alex Trebek.
Apparently, my brain decided that remembering song lyrics, commercial jingles and obscure television trivia was more important than remembering where I parked. And I have television to thank for it.
I first heard many hit songs as television commercials and assumed they had been written specifically to sell ketchup, window cleaner or some mysterious product that apparently everyone needed.
Take “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” For years, I associated that song with the California Raisins. You remember the California Raisins. Little animated raisins singing Motown songs while somehow making dried fruit seem cool. It turns out “I Heard It Through the Grapevine” was an actual hit song. Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong wrote it for Motown, and it was recorded by several artists, including Gladys Knight & the Pips and Marvin Gaye. The Miracles actually recorded it first. So there you go. Another important fact I will probably never need.
Then there was Heinz ketchup. The commercial featured a kid slowly pouring ketchup onto a hamburger while Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” played in the background. I heard the song as something like, “Heinz is the patience.” This made perfect sense to me because the ketchup was, indeed, taking approximately three geological eras to come out of the bottle. The actual song was “Anticipation.” Carly Simon wrote it in about 15 minutes while waiting for Cat Stevens to pick her up for a date.
Johnny Nash’s “I Can See Clearly Now” was another one. I knew it as the Glass Plus window-cleaner song. I assumed Johnny Nash had written it because he had a deep emotional connection to sparkling windows. Turns out it was a No. 1 hit.
Then there was “Rub It In,” which I used to sing while giving my toddler daughters baths. Billy “Crash” Craddock took it to the top of the country charts in 1974. But in my brain, it will forever be connected to Glade Plug-Ins and the immortal command: “Plug It In, Plug It In.”
That phrase is permanently stored in my memory, right alongside my Social Security number and the ability to recite the entire opening theme to “The Beverly Hillbillies.”
And let us not forget “Short Shorts” by The Royal Teens. The song was a hit in 1958, long before I was around. But Nair hair-removal commercials introduced it to me. This is how I received my musical education. Other kids had piano lessons. I had Nair.
And finally, there is the ultimate commercial-to-song crossover: “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.” It originated with Coca-Cola’s famous 1971 “Hilltop” commercial and eventually became a full-length hit song. And people bought it.
Looking back, I realize television did not simply entertain me while I was growing up. It educated me. It taught me music history, advertising slogans, product loyalty and, most importantly, that apparently anything can become a song if you put enough people on a hill and give them a bottle of Coca-Cola.
I may not remember where I put my keys. But if you need to know which commercial featured a kid waiting 14 minutes for ketchup in 1970-something, I am your guy. Years of television have prepared me for this moment. I just wish I could remember why I walked into this room.
Have a fantastic Friday and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital newsletter
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707