Most of us spent plenty of time on a teeter-totter growing up, learning about balance, timing and force. I am still learning. A little more teeter and a little less totter. Or maybe it is a little more totter and a little less teeter. Honestly, at my age, I am just happy to get on and off the thing without needing a chiropractor. But I do know we can learn something from that playground equipment — particularly when it comes to forgiveness.
I have many faults, but one that seems to slap me in the face more often than the others is my tendency to seek vengeance. When I feel wronged, I want the other person to feel the pain I felt — and then some. It is not a good quality. I am working on it, with plenty of help and advice from others.
My parents divorced when I was young. It was difficult for both of them, but especially my father, who had every reason to be angry and seek revenge. He did not. I often wondered why. My dad rarely talked about the divorce, but one day he sat down with me and explained that he had to make a choice. He could remain angry for the rest of his life, or he could make the best of the situation and spend as much time as possible with his family. That even meant building a friendship with my mother’s new husband. That is a level of forgiveness few people would be willing to attempt.
Years later, I had a former employee whom I discovered had stolen from me. I gave her an opportunity to repay what she had taken, but she ignored my requests. I was prepared to take her to small claims court. I was convinced I would win the judgment, even though I suspected I would never collect the money. I didn’t care. I wanted her to pay for her decision, one way or another. My friend Greg convinced me to think differently. He told me pursuing the matter would create negative energy that would consume time I could spend doing positive things. He also reminded me that she would have enough pain and misery in her life without me adding to it. He was right. Sometimes we may not be able to truly forgive, but we can at least make an attempt to let go.
My mother and her brother did not speak for decades, largely because of the divorce I mentioned earlier. They were equally stubborn siblings, which is a particularly dangerous combination. But as the years passed, they slowly reconnected. When my uncle was in a nursing home during his final days, my mother sat beside him, held his hand, shared childhood memories and prayed. She later told me she was glad she had been able to be there. Although he was no longer responsive, I have a feeling he was glad she was there, too.
Whether you are a person of faith or not, there is wisdom in the words of the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Forgiveness is not always easy. Sometimes it feels downright unfair. But neither is a teeter-totter. You cannot successfully go up without eventually coming down. You cannot stay on one side forever.
Teeter. Totter. Balance. Maybe that’s the lesson. We spend a lot of our lives trying to get even when what we really need is to let go, find our balance and get on with the ride.
Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
Editor and Publisher
Times Vedette digital newsletter
shane@gctimesnews.com
641-332-2707